So Much Love

    On Wednesday morning my Dad phoned and said my Mum was still not feeling well. I told him I would come straight over after an early lunch. As soon as I arrived I was struck by how pale she looked. We sat and had a little chat and cracked a few jokes but something was wrong. My Dad called the doctor we were told she would be round at about 5.30pm. All afternoon we sat and talked then about 3pm Mum said "I have a bad pain in my stomach" I suddenly knew this was not a normal bad day. We waited for the doctor with reassuring looks and smiles and by 5pm suddenly the pain became worse. "The doctor will be here soon" I said smiling to my Mum and Dad. When the doctor arrived we exchanged looks while she examined my Mum and she said "I will call an ambulance". "Can you put my make up on for me Jane" my Mum said as we waited for the ambulance and I carefully put it on. My sister arrived with the paramedics and we joked and smiled. I went in the ambulance with her with blue lights and sirens to St Helier Hospital. As the paramedic slipped and knocked off her oxygen she raised an eyebrow to me.
   At St Helier we were ushered into a relatives room. Within half an hour kind people called us in to see my Mum. No waiting in corridors, no bad casualty experiences just kind people looking after us. We were told she had a perforated bowel. There were two choices make her comfortable and let her die or operate and have a slight chance of living. The doctor told my Mum "You may not wake up from the anesthetic."  "I don't want to die" she said "I want to live, I have so much to live for."
    It all moved so fast, we had fixed smiles on our faces as we chatted and talked. The time came for her to go to theatre, We kissed her and all told her we loved her. "I love all of you" my Mum said. "So much love" my sister said with the same fixed smile on her face as me. My Dad kissed her and said "I'll be here in the morning" "You better be" said my Mum smiling "because I love you" With that she was wheeled away and we walked out of the hospital sobbing our hearts out,
   At 3am the doctor phoned me. The operation had gone very well and my Mum was being taken to intensive care. We had hope, we were so happy. In the morning after 2 hours sleep, we arrived so hopeful and had a whole day of improvements. Even though she was sedated and on a ventilator we talked to her. We planned for home and what we would do. At 5pm the doctor wanted to speak to us. "Maybe they are going to tell us about new treatment" my Dad said but I suddenly felt a feeling of panic. "There is no hope" the doctor said. "Her blood results are so bad there is no way she can recover. At 92 further treatment wouldn't be fair to her. We will turn off her machines tonight." My eldest son and daughter came and with me, my Dad and my sister  we sat around the bed whilst her pulse slowly became slower and slower. "She's gone Dad" I said as he cried and cried for his wife of sixty two years.
   We took my Dad home and sat with him all night. " How can I recover" he said. I told him there are so few people who can say the last words with their loved one were I love you and we have that privilege, I had started scanning the photos my sister and I looked through at the kitchen table before all this happened and we smiled so much at this one, all of us together having a laugh and joke. As my sister said "So much love."